SECRET GARDEN TRUMPS SICK COW

‘La Vaca Argentina’ (http://www.lavacaargentina.net)

is a chain of restaurants around Madrid of which there are maybe ten or eleven establishments.  The one we sampled is close to the Paseo del Prado behind the Palace Hotel in the Las Letras district. (Handy when you are in sudden need of a steak and close by!)  The Argentines rarely disappoint on the meat front so ‘Vaca’ seemed like a reasonable bet at short notice. The interior of the venue we chose was inviting with a wooden barrel reception and a dark green interior warmly lit with professionally laid tables of crisp napkins, shiny polished glasses and cutlery glimmering against oddly Chinese looking silver and gold painted wall panels.  Each to his own, you might say. The sizable dining room was quiet when we arrived with  only a handful of tables taken, but at 10pm we were probably a little early for this city of midnight diners.  Anyway, our orders were taken promptly if a  little gruffly.  But when the handsome and succulent steaks arrived, they did not disappoint; cooked as ordered (if ever so slightly but forgivably (just) over seasoned) and generously sized at reasonable prices.  There, however, the good story ends. The service was really so nonchalant and dismissive that our waiter at one point was only stopping short of flinging cutlery and plates onto the table and dripping wine from the clumsily opened bottle. We were not alone. Our neighbouring table of guests were given to sighs of disbelief at the slack and inattentive (disappearing even) staff and . . . oh hell, I won’t even bother going on about the “service”.  Back on the food front, the side orders did nothing to add to the meal (note: bad fries - nasty really), so we figured a shared desert might sugar any disappointments and kill any gaps. Whatever.  OK, that CAKE was not that bad for what it was, (whatever it was supposed to be), but how on earth can an Argentine establishment, with its umbilical connectedness to Italy, stand over a ‘Tiramisu’ that is in fact an ice cream sponge cake?  It beggars belief.  In the end, the bill was the fatal nail in this sick cow's coffin bloated as it was by additional charges for bread (€3.50 - ouch) and a cheeky attempt by the waiter to add a tip to our card without our sanction (a big no-no. Very Big). This was no ‘off-night’ (admittedly, they do happen everywhere). This place smacked of a general carelessness that most likely comes from taking tourists, who flock to the area, for granted. For that attitude, there is a price to pay. Hasta Luego? I think not, Che!

A man's appetite can be ruined by the memory of a shoddy dining experience. Good luck to bad rubbish I say.  Luckily, Madrid has such an array of options for dining-out that you are, thankfully, certain not to be left long nursing a sour taste in your mouth. So the Gods must be thanked (and the owners and the staff) for the existence of the very lively Secret Garden (‘El Jardin Secreto’) at Calle del Conde Duque.  This thoughtfully and engagingly decorated cafe-restaurant and bar at the top of the steps at Plaza de Cristino Martos  overlooking Calle de La Princesa  is not just a blissful distraction in interior decoration, with antique toys, voluminous lamp shades of sea shells,  and crystal, stone, shell and beed wall hangings (like some kind of mystic gypsy fortuneteller’s emporium) but the food and drinks are dished out with equal inventiveness. Here there is a tangible attention to detail and a clear underlying passion for  delivering a fun restaurant service in a consistently excellent manner. The staff is friendly and engaging and the menu bristles with hints at flavours and concoctions begging to be sampled. So, when you have been jovially guided to your table in one of the many cosy alcoves or window seats you can expect what comes next to be just as pleasing.

The chocolate menu is reason enough to drop by this blissful find. Try the hot chocolate with real forest fruits marinated in liqueur, yes OMG, or even OMG-er, the hot chocolate laced with Dulec de Leche; pure unadulterated deliciousness.  Madrileños know a good thing when they see it and taste it and this place is invariably packed and rightly so.  For dinner (with an extensive but inexpensive menu of traditional and original offerings) booking in advance is essential. For chocolate, there is almost always a queue, but the wait is soooooooo dribblingly worth it whether its minus 10 or plus 40 Celsius. If Michelin did fun this place would probably qualify for a big twinkly star with chocolate smothered lips, but it is just as well Michelin do not get their paws on places like this. Hasta Luego? You bet.